5 years

On January 23, 2010, I went into a coma–for a month and half. I had died 3 separate times. My fMRI and CT scans showed no brain activity; my family had been told that if I did wake up, I’d be in a permanent vegetative state. Essentially they were forced to make the tough decision to disconnect my ventilator, instead I thankfully woke up 5 hours before this was supposed to of taken place.

I had to re-learn everything! How to breath on my own , talking, eating and walking. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. You don’t realize how much work goes into everyday things you don’t even have to think twice about doing. I am so blessed to have been given a second opportunity to just be  able to move my legs again.  It’s crazy to be told at 20 there is was a good chance I would never walk again. The brain and body are truly amazing and inspiring specimens.

In retrospect if I could take it back, I honestly wouldn’t. The only thing I regret about the entire ordeal was putting my loved ones though so much hardship. It was even more painful for me considering my family had to make a similar decision for my brother when he was also 20.

I gained too much invaluable experience through it all though. Instead, I’m proud because going though so much shit, and I’m still here and able to tell my story that it makes me feel special. Morbidly special, but I learned to be okay with feeling miracle-y.

If I ever think something is too hard or try to convince myself to give up, I force myself to recall that time in my life. I have wanted to give up so many times and even went as far as wanting to commit suicide because it was too physically and emotionally painful to teach myself  to be the average young adult again. (This was especially true after my insurance dropped me, and I had to join a gym and do it myself with the help of the internet. Shout out to Planet Fitness and Google!)

Anything is possible with determination and initiative.  My body and mind are too resilient to let go to waste to just give up. So when someone says I can’t do something, like raising a baby by myself, I’ll prove them wrong just like I did to  that so-called-Doctor.

Namaste.

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