Yesterday was my birthday, and I was shocked and frankly a little offended that 3 of my closest friends posted ‘Happy Birthday!!” on my Facebook wall and that was it. Of course, I’m grateful they acknowledged my birthday, but at least shoot me a text. It was very faux pas.
Here’s my list of impersonal birthday wishes in the order of sucky:
Happy birthday post on Facebook or other public social media
Happy birthday message on Facebook or any social media
Happy birthday text
Happy birthday call
Happy birthday in person
Happy birthday in person with presents
Okay, obviously that last one is very rare. If you’re close with someone at least shoot them a text.
After having Ivy, I’m embarrassed to admit I gained 65 pounds. My whole life I have struggled with my weight and my idea of being ‘inadequate’ . Most of my life, I have flirted between mild anorexia and obesity. I’m 5’8″ and the least I weighed was 118 lbs, and at the peak was during my 9th month of pregnancy at 224. At my pre-pregnancy weight, I sat a cool 155 trying to loose 5 lbs .
I’ve always tried to take the easy road in everything I do – including my weight. I, of course, used drugs to reach my desired weight. When I was underweight, I thought I looked good, but everyone told me I looked sick. Of course I was, but even now I still think I looked good. That’s how fucked up my mind state is.
Well, after giving birth I only managed to lose 25 of those 70 pounds, and the scale stared back at me with the same number day after day, week after week, until I finally decided I needed to do something about it. I need to do it right because (at the time) I was breastfeeding and there would be absolutely no drugs, weight loss drugs, throwing up, or starvation this time. I was going to do it right, and I made the commitment to my daughter and myself to get in shape and pay not attention to the number.
I started with daily walks, the gym here and there and watching what I ate and now I’m making more time and the most of my gym time. I’ve also started this:
I’m currently on day 8 and in combination with my 30 minute daily walk and gym (when I can spare a quarter tank of gas AND get my mom to babysit) I can feel and see a difference. I’m firmer, and I feel better. I know it is different this time.
I haven’t see much difference on the scale since I had my epiphany, but that’s okay. I went from not being able to do a single squat, plank, push up, or crunch and only 4 miles in 35 minutes to 8.35 miles in the same amount of time. I know it’s working and even though my scale say’s I have ONLY lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks, I know I’m doing good and pretty soon that the muscle that we all know weighs more than fat, will start to out weigh the fat.
Ivy was thankfully born very healthy, but at her 2 week appointment, she still was almost a pound under birth weight, and as I had been exclusively breastfeeding — I felt horrible. I had her attached to me the entire time and did everything I was supposed to, and she still weighed under. It was recommended to drain my breasts, pump, then give 2 oz of formula after. I obliged, and after talking to my sister she informed me that introducing formula was the wrong thing to do. I soon realized that it definitely was. I quickly did everything I possibly could to regain my milk supply and was almost there until Ivy got sick.
She ended up having a viral infection when she was just 16 days old, and we did have to stay in the hospital for 48 hours while after she got a spinal tap and many other tests to see why she had a 105 degree temperature. Those two days were the most she has ever cried. It broke my heart, but I’m so happy it was not meningitis. During this time, she really needed strength to help her fight it off, and was forced to reintroduce formula to keep up with her recovery.
Ivy recovered, and is a healthy combo fed baby, and I can’t seem to get away from the formula. I officially decided to give in and allow both. There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula fed babies. I was formula fed, and I don’t think it affected me in a negative way — at all. I just wanted to be able to say that I did it, but after numerous visits to visit my lactation consultant, and bottles of blessed thistle and fenugreek, and boxes of mothers milk, my supply doesn’t satisfy her anymore. I want happy healthy baby and having her on as a combo fed does that.
Last week, she weighed 9 pounds and grew an inch, and that is exactly what I wanted to hear!
Maybe the added calcium I’ve been consuming has added to the sudden appearance of my bottom wisdom teeth. My top came in just fine after I turned 20, there wasn’t even much pain. Unfortunately, my lower jaw did not make enough premeditated room for my remaining wisdom teeth. I have been experiencing mild headaches that I chalked up to my pregnancy, but yesterday I noticed my bottom teeth coming in. The strange thing is that the gums don’t hurt, just some residual effects of the sudden appearance.
One looks like it’s coming in fine and the other looks like it’s coming in crooked. I know what you’re thinking: see a dentist. I have only been to a dentist three times in my entire life. Once was for an emergency extraction which took place in Juarez, Mexico, another was when I was 15 for a check up and last time was a jailhouse check up. They all said I had perfectly healthy teeth, especially considering my lack of dental health check-ups.
To be honest, I don’t really feel like a mother yet, and I’m not. A lot of people think that just because they are expecting that automatically makes them a mother, and I disagree. A mother, to me, is a women who gives birth and raises her child the best of her abilities, sacrificing many aspects of what she enjoys and imprinting her wisdom and life experiences. To Merriam-Webster they define mother not as eloquently and is vague.
As a soon-to-be-mother, I want to do a good job. I want to give her everything! Unfortunately, my financial situation is not where I would like it to be at this point in my life– especially when I’m expecting a new life! I still wanted to make a nice enjoyable space for my Ivy Rose, and I am almost finished!
I moved a lot growing up. A lot. I’ve been to 17 different schools in my life, including college. I also grew up an only child. As a result, I would say my childhood was very lonely, and I believe that leaves a lasting affect on the personality.
I always thought that I was a good person and friend. I still believe that–deep down. When you get so heavily involved in drugs, you loose yourself. No matter how much you try to deny it; you are just lying yourself in the end. I was looking through my old photos and realized how many people I called my ‘best friends’ or my ‘bffl’ that most I don’t even speak to anymore. They will all have a lasting place in my heart because they taught me something about myself I wouldn’t of learned otherwise, but when I think of how we ended our ‘best’ status, it was always my decision.
My best friends:
We were so close and he was easily my greatest friend and the most toxic. Even when he moved to Baltimore after he got into serious legal trouble in NM we kept in touch. We met in high school when I was 16 or 17.
I visited for spring break 2014 for 4 days.Worst trip ever. He was still a serious addict and was so mean and volatile and and was actually working for the police as a snitch. No way…no matter how long I’ve been sober and out of trouble, I don’t fuck with that
My other best friend. I met in when I was 15 and we were inseparable until I got out of the hospital in 2010 and found out she was on a very different path than I wanted to go down again and out of anger because she didn’t want to kick with me all crippled, I lashed out and cut our friendship. We talk now, but she’s more of an acquaintance. She’s doing super good and I’m super proud. 🙂
This is the only person who chose not to be MY FRIEND over my attitude and baggage. Go her. I miss her though. We followed each other to 4 different jobs after high school.
I loved this girl, I finally felt like I had a real friend who understood me and we connected instantly and we had something good until I broke the unbreakable girl code rule # 1.
As movie goers all know the 2015 Oscar for Best Picture went to Birdman: Or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance. Every year, I wait to see what critics are saying deem worthy of a nomination and who takes the grand prize. It also won Best Director for Alejandro González Iñárritu. Best Original Screenplay and Best Cinematography This year, the Academy disappointed me once again.
I Redbox-ed this film, I went home and began watching it on my laptop. I fell asleep 40 minutes in. That should of been my first clue. The film dragged on, and I repeatedly checked the remaining time. I was questioning if his visions were fantasy or not, which turned out to be exactly what the writers and director was trying to accomplish by the conclusion. I also thought Edward Norton’s performance was far more Oscar worthy than Michael Keaton’s. I truly believe everyone in the business favored this film because they had ties.
The most worthy Oscar win with no question was Best Cinematography. The lighting, special affects and graphics were spot on and mesmerizing, but I really think other films were more adequate for the title of Best Picture.
Different stokes different folks, but I hated this film. Check it out for yourself though.