How my life has changed in the past 18 months:

• I moved to Arkansas from Albuquerque, New Mexico
• I got off hard drugs
• I stopped drinking
• I stopped smoking
• I got pregnant

• I became okay with not being a size 0
• I became okay with not being a size 9 after I got pregnant
• I became okay with going over 200 lbs since I moved and got pregnant

• I became okay with the fact that most of my weight is baby related and I will bounce back
• I became determined to finish school–NO MATTER WHAT
• I became okay with being single and pregnant
• I became okay with not having many friends
• I finally can honestly say don’t care what people think or say about me
• Goals take time, sacrifice  and dedication, it doesn’t fall into your lap (usually)
• I am ready to ‘settle down’ and move on with these changes

I don’t recognize myself sometimes, but that’s okay! Let’s see what the next 18 ,months have to offer!!

Karma

I used to have a bit of stealing problem back in Albuquerque, and when I moved to Arkansas I vowed not to do it again.I haven’t, but I’ve gotten close to do it and really close last week.

I’ve been super paranoid about being a new single mother, I often worry about my money situation. I went grocery shopping and I ran out of money at the self checkout. I thought to myself: “you could easily steal from here. No one would suspect you.”

Last minute, my conscious got the better of me and I returned a six pack of sparkling water and a mini pomegranate tea. The tea was on sale for a.99 cents and It seems so silly because I wasn’t dying of thirst! I returned it to the lady with a “I spaced, I can’t afford to buy these. Here you go…” I walked away and the lady chased me down and gave me the tea and said it was on her.

I was so touched and it reaffirmed that being a good person don’t always go unnoticed. 🙂

To my best friend:

I’ve moved around a lot in my short life, and it makes for great story material and much adored knowledge. My analytic mind loves being able to compare the climates, the cultures and nature. Up until I moved to Albuquerque/Rio Rancho, New Mexico, I never had the opportunity to make long-lasting friends that I desperately always sought out.

Although, I have brother and sister, they are much older and I essentially grew up an only child, which in total makes for a lonely childhood. If we include my college experiences, I have lived (where have many tangible memories) in 3 states, and I’ve been to 16  different schools. Yes, I have counted…

Once I moved to Albuquerque, I met my best friend, Alfred Cordero. We were in the 7th grade when we met, and we grew closer as time went on. We were both crazy, very annoying, ridiculous, borderline embarrassing drama geeks always looking for a laugh! There were a few more of us, but he’s the only one that remains in my life.

Although 800 miles separate us, we still talk almost everyday. Even throughout our darkest times, living together, and through both our different lifestyles, we remain the best of friends. We have honestly only had maybe 2 real fights our entire friendship that spans 12 years!

I’m overwhelmingly blessed to still have him to share my experiences with. I’m seriously very lucky. He’s the epitome of a great friend. He is ALWAYS there to hear me complain about mindless crap, to share music choices, indulge in our daily food decisions, compare boy stories, talk family drama, and most importantly to make each other laugh. (He’s always been way funnier though!)

Most importantly, he’s decent, genuine person. I know I can be completely honest with him, and I can trust him with my secrets. Which if you ask anyone in the Albuquerque area, that’s a rare quality to find. If I lend him money he will actually pay me back, which I can’t say about my bro or sis because they don’t.

After all my other friends essentially ended up screwing me, he didn’t, and I’ll always remember that. I strive to be a good friend to him, to be a better friend, and I hope I’m worthy to be his friend too.

I heartchu, my best friend!

Battle of the poorest states

I hardly ever leave my apartment for two main reasons. Compared to Albuquerque, there is nothing I enjoy doing. I’m used to being able to go the plays, concerts, the zoo, the aquarium, the planetarium, museums, art exhibits and once in a while we’d go to the mall that has more than 10 stores, or the the mesa to stargazing or to the mountains riding the longest tramway in the world, just to get away. Or seeing the most beautiful view every crisp morning in early October watching hot air balloons grazing the clear New Mexico sky. Plenty of my friends would go hiking and fishing, but I would usually pass, not my thang.

Arkansas is totally rad if you are into outdoors-ie type, but unfortunately I am not. I wish I found it enjoyable to go fishing, or biking on a trail or mountain climbing, hunting or whatever else the South does, I’m a product of my environment though. I don’t even appreciate classic Southern cooking. I’m a city girl, and frankly if it’s in the sun, I dislike it because my allergy to the sun. “Wow!! How cool would it be to go camping and shoot some deer this weekend?” Says everyone, but me ,in Arkansas.. To each their own, I always say.

My second reason, is more from a sociological standpoint. We are drawn to people who share similar ideals, interests, and personalities ect., I have yet to meet many people who is similar to me. We travel in herds, not individually. When I seek a herd, I feel like I’m desperate trying to be their friend. I learned along time ago, through trial and error, NEVER try harder than another. I’ll do it a few times, but I don’t want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends.

I know I complain about this a lot, but it plagues me everyday. Social creatures, like myself, shouldn’t be left alone in a corner, just saying. I wonder if I was only popular in New Mexico? What made me desirable there, apparently doesn’t make me cool here, I suppose. Well, Aristotle did say that those that travel alone and can’t function socially with others are either Gods or a beast.  He was a wise man. Which I one am I? I plead the fifth…

Cheers mate!