This morning I awoke, started my usual routine, because as always routine is important. I threw on some music, made my coffee and cleaned the kitchen. Then, the strangest thing happened, I started to cry.
“It’s hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes, I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and my heart feels up like a balloon that’s about to burst.”
-Kevin Spacey as Lester Burnham in American Beauty
That’s one of my favorite quotes. It defines me perfectly. I don’t remember the last time I cried about a feeling that reflected my inner turmoil. I learned a long time ago, if you don’t like it, change it. No use crying over spilled milk.
My tears are saved for others, and those pitiful Sarah Mclachlan commercials, of course. Ellen DeGeneres’ name should be Ellen Generous because she does so many great things for people. I can’t make it through any of her shows without crying. Random factoid. I welcome feel good tears though because it gives me hope that goodness still exists in our decaying world.
Anyway, it is out of character for me to burst into tears, and I know it’s because I miss home, but most importantly, I miss my friends. Yes, I’ve lived here over a year, and I still call Albuquerque home. This is probably due to the fact that I have yet to make a single friend in Arkansas. Home is where heart is, is how the saying goes.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I have to spend it alone, no friends or family. No one should be alone on their birthday. I cried…Over myself. How shallow. Yet, repeating it makes me want to cry. Curse you, human response.
Last week, I had originally planned to decorate my apartment, buy myself a birthday cake, take myself out to dinner and toast myself and my year’s accomplishments with a glass of Chardonnay and you know what? I still will, because I know I deserve it! Whether there is someone there to share it with or not, because I love myself and respect myself that much. ❤ Take note fellow reader.
Happy birthday to me. Keep it positive. No one gets out alive.