My Postpartum Weight Loss Journey

After having Ivy, I’m embarrassed to admit I gained 65 pounds.  My whole life I have struggled with my weight and my idea of being ‘inadequate’ . Most of my life, I have flirted between mild anorexia and obesity. I’m 5’8″ and the least I weighed was 118 lbs, and at the peak  was during my 9th month of pregnancy at 224. At my pre-pregnancy weight, I sat a cool 155 trying to loose 5 lbs .

I’ve always tried to take the easy road in everything I do – including my weight. I, of course, used drugs to reach my desired weight. When I was underweight, I thought I looked good, but everyone told me I looked sick. Of course I was, but even now I still think I looked good. That’s how fucked up my mind state is.

Well, after giving birth I only managed to lose 25 of those 70 pounds, and the scale stared back at me with the same number day after day, week after week, until I finally decided I needed to do something about it. I need to do it right because (at the time) I was breastfeeding and there would be absolutely no drugs, weight loss drugs, throwing up, or starvation this time. I was going to do it right, and I made the commitment to my daughter and myself to get in shape and pay not attention to the number.

I started with daily walks, the gym here and there and watching what I ate and now I’m making more time and the most of my gym time.  I’ve also started this:

Yes, that’s also my Instagram

I’m currently on day 8 and in combination with my 30 minute daily walk and gym (when I can spare a quarter tank of gas AND get my mom to babysit) I can feel and see a difference. I’m firmer, and I feel better. I know it is different this time.

I haven’t see much difference on the scale since I had my epiphany, but that’s okay. I went from not being able to do a single squat, plank, push up, or crunch and only 4 miles in 35 minutes to 8.35 miles in the same amount of time. I know it’s working and even though my scale say’s I have ONLY lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks, I know I’m doing good and pretty soon that the muscle that we all know weighs more than fat, will start to out weigh the fat.

Namaste.

Day 2

I remember trying cigarettes for the first time when I was 8 years old, and I absolutely hated it! It tasted disgusting, and I had a coughing fit that lasted about five minutes. I couldn’t wrap my head around any explanation as to why my parents liked it so much. Eventually, I started hiding their cigarettes or throwing them away.What a spoiled brat I was.

Then I found FRIENDS!! Imagine….

I’ve been smoking cigarettes everyday since I was 14. I’ve quit three times before by force, but I’ve never been one to be told what to do.  I justified smoking by telling myself that since I stopped all my other potentially fatal habits, I am allowed this one. I finally concluded that I was and am ready to close the immature chapter in my life.

I’m not a size 0 ever since I tended to my body dysmorphia, and I promised myself to work out and ditch my “Lean” Pockets. I am 5’8″ and I weighed 116 lbs. I blame the media for that glitch in my brain. I’ve been on a really great diet and exercise  routine for a month now, but with everything coming back into sync with my body, I realize my body reacts to everything I put in my it; everything down to tomatoes that make me break out, to how if I consume too much salt all my liquids deplete, to cigarettes preventing me from the extra  minutes on the elliptical.

I have problem with rambling, but today is my second day without a cigarette, and although I have now replaced it with vaping, I have every sincere intention of weening off those too within a month because there is no way anything you inhale, excluding CLEAN air, is good for you.

Wish me luck. Namaste