Tag Archives: friendship

My vow to my current friends:

I spread my friendship wisdom in a previous post, I mentioned how I didn’t want to make the same mistakes with my current friends. I will do anything to keep these people in my life.

I told you guys about how much my best friend meant to me for sticking by me through all my jail time, hospital, suicide attempts,and my drug drama. No one could mean more to me more than him and I try to make sure he knows it. It’s hard to not walk away sometimes, because before I left New Mexico, I created a heroin monster.

I am moving on with my life in a more healthy way, but he is living the life I lead 5 years ago. I want to  tell him how I got my life right. I offered to pay for him to move here (be nice to be close to my oldest  and best friend) but he always has excuses not to. I can’t completely blame him: he’s an addict. I was one for  almost 10 years.

I know I shouldn’t hold his life and choices hold so heavily on my conscious, but I lost enough people I cared about, and I seriously don’t know how I would deal if I lost him too. I can only offer advice and hope he follows the right path. I can’t brush him off like I did everyone else who was still involved in drugs. I don’t have it in me. He’s the best person I know.

Tom is my other friend (yes, both boys!) we briefly and loosely ‘dated’. We shared a common life experience of almost dying and getting sober and are always there to comfort each other when times get tough. We call each other the “boy/girl” version of the other. His humor is EXACTLY like mine! We can talk about anything from our bowel movements, sex, our weight gain, past drug experiences. We find the same things funny and hes such a sweetheart.

tomI can’t afford to loose my friends. I will stick by them, because that’s what loyal friends do when you love the other!

 

How to loose a friend in 10 years

I moved a lot growing up. A lot. I’ve been to 17 different schools in my life, including college. I also grew up an only child. As a result, I would say my childhood was very lonely, and I believe that leaves a lasting affect on the personality.

I always thought that I was a good person and friend. I still believe that–deep down. When you get so heavily involved in drugs, you loose yourself. No matter how much you try to deny it; you are just lying yourself in the end. I was looking through my old photos and realized how many people I called my ‘best friends’ or my ‘bffl’ that most I don’t even speak to anymore. They will all have a lasting place in my heart because they taught me something about myself I wouldn’t of learned otherwise, but when I think of how we ended our ‘best’ status, it was always my decision.

My best friends:

Michael P.

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We were so close and he was easily my greatest friend and the most toxic. Even when he moved to Baltimore after he got into serious legal trouble in NM we kept in touch. We met in high school when I was 16 or 17.

I visited for spring break 2014 for 4 days.Worst trip ever. He was still a serious addict and was so mean and volatile and and was actually working for the police as a snitch. No way…no matter how long I’ve been sober and out of trouble, I don’t fuck with that

Jade B.

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My other best friend. I met in when I was 15 and we were inseparable until I got out of the hospital in 2010 and found out she was on a very different path than I wanted to go down again and out of anger because she didn’t want to kick with me all crippled, I lashed out and cut our friendship. We talk now, but she’s more of an acquaintance. She’s doing super good and I’m super proud. 🙂

Brittney B.

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This is the only person who chose not to be MY FRIEND over my attitude and baggage. Go her. I miss her though. We followed each other to 4 different jobs after high school.

Courtney E.

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I loved this girl, I finally felt like I had a real friend who understood me and we connected instantly and we had something good until I broke the unbreakable girl code rule # 1.

Long story short, I fucked up on a lot of friendships and these can never be salvaged again, and I never want to make those same mistakes with my friendships I currently still have.