Tag Archives: life

My vow to my current friends:

I spread my friendship wisdom in a previous post, I mentioned how I didn’t want to make the same mistakes with my current friends. I will do anything to keep these people in my life.

I told you guys about how much my best friend meant to me for sticking by me through all my jail time, hospital, suicide attempts,and my drug drama. No one could mean more to me more than him and I try to make sure he knows it. It’s hard to not walk away sometimes, because before I left New Mexico, I created a heroin monster.

I am moving on with my life in a more healthy way, but he is living the life I lead 5 years ago. I want to  tell him how I got my life right. I offered to pay for him to move here (be nice to be close to my oldest  and best friend) but he always has excuses not to. I can’t completely blame him: he’s an addict. I was one for  almost 10 years.

I know I shouldn’t hold his life and choices hold so heavily on my conscious, but I lost enough people I cared about, and I seriously don’t know how I would deal if I lost him too. I can only offer advice and hope he follows the right path. I can’t brush him off like I did everyone else who was still involved in drugs. I don’t have it in me. He’s the best person I know.

Tom is my other friend (yes, both boys!) we briefly and loosely ‘dated’. We shared a common life experience of almost dying and getting sober and are always there to comfort each other when times get tough. We call each other the “boy/girl” version of the other. His humor is EXACTLY like mine! We can talk about anything from our bowel movements, sex, our weight gain, past drug experiences. We find the same things funny and hes such a sweetheart.

tomI can’t afford to loose my friends. I will stick by them, because that’s what loyal friends do when you love the other!

 

How my life has changed in the past 18 months:

  • I moved to Arkansas from Albuquerque, New Mexico
  • I got off hard drugs
  • I stopped drinking
  • I stopped smoking
  • I got pregnant

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  • I became okay with not being a size 0
  • I became okay with not being a size 9 after I got pregnant
  • I became okay with going over 200 lbs since I moved and got pregnant

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  • I became okay with the fact that most of my weight is baby related and I will bounce back
  • I became determined to finish school–NO MATTER WHAT
  • I became okay with being single and pregnant
  • I became okay with not having many friends
  • I finally can honestly say don’t care what people think or say about me
  • Goals take time, sacrifice  and dedication, it doesn’t fall into your lap (usually)
  • I am ready to ‘settle down’ and move on with these changes

I don’t recognize myself sometimes, but that’s okay! Let’s see what the next 18 ,months have to offer!!