Tag Archives: pregnant

35 weeks

Now that I have 4-6 weeks before I’m supposed to meet my beautiful daughter, Ivy Rose, I’ve can proudly say I am blessed because I have not had any of the common complaints that you often hear regarding pregnancy. Up until now, I had mild bouts of prego symptoms, but nothing that would be the reason for me to say that I never want to be pregnant again.

Two days ago,I think my body finally started to realize it was responsible for having a healthy, growing baby girl housed inside of it and it was the major provider of her nourishment and her protection and it would need to prepare for her to exit. I all of a sudden started to be able to feel the Braxton Hicks contractions, my mid to lower back is constantly achy, I am nauseous and congested. I’ve had tummy aches and been excessively irritable and EXHAUSTED.

As I write this, the words blur on the screen due to lack of sleep. I just have to make it through this week and two days of finals next week and I’ll be able to rest and nest before her arrival!!


How my life has changed in the past 18 months:

  • I moved to Arkansas from Albuquerque, New Mexico
  • I got off hard drugs
  • I stopped drinking
  • I stopped smoking
  • I got pregnant

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  • I became okay with not being a size 0
  • I became okay with not being a size 9 after I got pregnant
  • I became okay with going over 200 lbs since I moved and got pregnant


  • I became okay with the fact that most of my weight is baby related and I will bounce back
  • I became determined to finish school–NO MATTER WHAT
  • I became okay with being single and pregnant
  • I became okay with not having many friends
  • I finally can honestly say don’t care what people think or say about me
  • Goals take time, sacrifice  and dedication, it doesn’t fall into your lap (usually)
  • I am ready to ‘settle down’ and move on with these changes

I don’t recognize myself sometimes, but that’s okay! Let’s see what the next 18 ,months have to offer!!

27 weeks pregnant!


Don’t mind my messy room, I was actually in the middle of winter cleaning during an unscheduled snow day this past Tuesday. I snapped this picture as a requested from my best friend Alfred in Albuquerque.

I asked him to be the God-father of my baby almost as soon as I found out. So, I thought I would update all of you on my pregnancy – since I never talk about it…

I hardly notice I’m pregnant to be honest.  Until I look in the mirror and see a huge growth on my stomach, and I now know the idiom, “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse” was definitely coined by a pregnant woman.

Baby shopping

I had been saving money to take trip to Europe since I moved to Arkansas. I have always had the desire to travel, and I have always wanted to go to Italy, probably because I have a lot of Italian in me. It seemed like a positive, exciting goal I could work towards as an added incentive once I graduate .

I have been setting aside $100 a month towards this; this would give me about $7,000 once I graduated.  Once my savings account hit $1,500 I made the difficult decision to change it to the ‘baby fund‘. I still plan on taking a trip once I graduate-just not as extravagant.

With the her money, I started buying the absolute necessities I would need when she was born. Although my parents have gotten her a crib and a set of teether keys this past Christmas, I have gotten her a mattress, sheets, a mobile, a travel system, tons of wipes, diapers (more on this soon!), clothes (super cute and all sizes), and two bottles.

When I write it out, it doesn’t sound like a lot, but at least the biggest items are finalized. Shopping for my kid is like shopping for myself, except I don’t feel as guilty on spending so much.


Dealing with gender disappointment

As soon as I had found out about my pregnancy, I was convinced I was having a boy. When I pictured myself raising my child, it was always a rambunctious little boy. I tried to remain open-minded to the fact that there was a good chance I wouldn’t have a boy, but I didn’t really think it would be a girl.

On January 7th, I was told it actually was a girl. I was in literal shock when the ultrasound tech told me. I felt my heart sink. My breath escaped me and my throat closed. I was heartbroken. What she said after, I’ll never know. I could only reacted with silent tears.  I feel bad I couldn’t even pretend to be excited! I feel so ugly and guilty. Why couldn’t I just be happy to receive news that my baby girl and I are both healthy? Why did it matter? Seriously? So silly…

We often hear and/or read horror stories about mothers being upset about the gender, and there is this stigma attached about being a bad mom or unappreciative.I don’t want to be that person, I don’t want to be sad about hearing the news that I’m carrying a healthy girl. I am very aware there are women who can’t even conceive, and they would take my place any day.

I’m already starting to be able to picture our future and she’s a she. I’m sure once I have her, I will be in bigger disbelief I felt like that. I have no doubt I will love her more than I have ever loved another soul. I have always trusted the universe to give me what I need and what will help me grow as a person. It just has taken me time to get used to.

I got so used to calling her Zander for three months, and I using gender specific pronouns. I almost feel like I lost something. How silly! My family feels I’m overreacting, but I can’t help I had my heart set on a boy. Why? I don’t know, I’m sure there is some psychological reasoning behind it. Needless to say, it was a shitty week.

Moral of the story, it’s really okay to experience these emotions. Pregnant women not only have all these extra hormones racing through us, have the added stress of a new baby and surprise! We are only human!

In effort to expedite the expulsion of  my negative thoughts. I started shopping for girl clothes and decor for our new little place. It’s taken some time, but it’s working! I am on the prowl for girl names and even opened myself up on pink. 131 days-ish remain! AHHH!!! I truly just want to meet her!! I can’t wait!

We will be okay!

It’s an IT!!!!

About a week and a half ago, I realized my monthly visitor was late by 5 days. Instead of panicking, I blew it off and continued my daily routine. My monthly visitor has been in my life more than half my life, so I know it and my body really well. I rationalized it as just a stress. It would come.

If you’re a girl, you are familiar with PMS symptoms such as stomach cramps and tender breasts. Then about mid-week, I weighed myself and sure enough, I gained 7 lbs. I justified this by saying , “muscle weighs more than fat.”

Friday, I couldn’t even shower without unbearable pain shooting from my upper girl bits. I was getting ready to go to my parents home to work on my brakes with my dad, which I did. My dad said, “Christine, it looks like you’ve gained weight in your face. Don’t you think Momma?”

I was horrified because if you haven’t figured it out by now, I concluded that I was pregnant. After taking 7 separate tests, all of different varieties and prices. I was positive, without fail, each time. No faint, half lines or maybes. I am pregnant with a man I don’t remember his name that I slept with to ease the pain of my best friend’s mother passing away. September 6, 2014 some guy and I made a baby, and I’m going to be a mom, and he’s going to be a father and he won’t even know.

Stupid condoms

I couldn’t be more excited.

Love, peace, chicken grease…